No matter how much you might be in love with your partner, you may still feel uncomfortable in the bedroom with him. I mean, of course you’d feel that you would like to take your relationship to the next level of intimacy by having sex with your loved one, but at the same time you might still feel a bit shy about actually doing it. This has more than one reason, and today, we’ve brought you a bunch of tips on how to overcome your sexual shyness and become comfortable with your husband in bed.
1. Spot what gets you in the mood & do it
Yes, the first step is to acknowledge what gets you into the state of mind you need before you are ready to make love, and then act upon those desires. So if listening to sexy music, taking a warm bath or having a certain snack will get you in the mood for love, do it.
2. Set a ‘five sense’ atmosphere
In other words, prepare things to enhance all of your 5 senses like scented candles for sight and smell, feathers for touch, flavored lubes for taste, and erotic sounds/sexy music for the sense of hearing. This will definitely get all of your senses at ease and prepare you physically and mentally for love making.
3. Try to take control
Sometimes, one of the reasons of being shy in bed is -unknowingly- having a defensive attitude because of his dominance every time, which makes you feel a bit controlled/intruded. You might even wish you have the dominance, but you’re too insecure of him witnessing you doing so. Then, why not blindfold your lover? That way, you will spice things up because it will make everything more exciting for him, and at the same time, he won’t be able to see you doing what you’re doing. Not only that, but also by taking away his sense of sight, it will trigger his other senses more which will give you the courage to do things you wouldn’t normally do if he could see you.
4. Think of it as you being interested in having better sex
Being sexual has to be a decision for you; you do it because you want. If you decide to be sexual just because your husband is asking for it, you won’t really be authentically into it. Make a choice to learn about your sexuality, your body, what you like and dislike during sex, and so on. In other words, have a discussion with yourself about it. Once you decide it’s for you, then go on to the next step and make love to your partner.
5. Get yourself some sexy clothes
If you are already going to get in the mood to be sexual, and you don’t really want to ruin it by feeling shy again, then make yourself look like you want it! No one feels sexy in a pair of dreadful sweats or a mismatching pajama that you used to own for a century and wear every night. Go out or shop online for something sexy in your favorite color. Look for something in a beautiful fabric and cut that will embrace your figure and leave you feeling confident and sexy. If you catch yourself making excuses for why you can’t do this, think of it as the way to have the sexual relationship you deserve.
6. Make sure you’re in a comfortable surrounding
We’ve talked about setting the ambiance, but picking the place and timing is crucial too. Maybe your discomfort comes from where you make love? That’s why it’s so important that you pick the room you feel comfortable in the most or the timing where you two are completely alone at home in case you feel insecure when someone else is around the house. Make sure to make your bedroom as inviting as possible so that you feel comfortable being yourself.
7. Let go of your ‘but I have a not-so-perfect body’ thought
It’s time to accept yourself the way you are. You being with your lover and him wanting to have sex means that he loves you and he already accepts you as you are. Tell yourself that you too should accept your body. There is no shame about your body shape. Whether you have a few more kilograms than you’d like or a scar/birthmark that you always try to hide, you need to let it go. No, you’re not perfect, but here’s some news for you -neither is he.
8. Focus on how it feels
For instance, concentrate on how his fingers feel when they glide across your skin or pay attention to how your body tingles when he touches certain areas of it. Feel your excitement rise with any movement, touch, or action he does. You’ll be so caught up in your own body’s responses by giving a few sounds of approval that there will be no doubt in his mind what turns you on without you even having to say it.
9. Make it more fun by the Passion Wheel technique!
Why not lessen the seriousness of it and try to make it more fun by telling each other what you like when it comes to sex through a paper chart? Get some colored pens (or normal ones) and a blank piece of paper; draw a circle, and divide it into even sectors like a pie. This will be called the ‘Passion wheel’, it will be something only you two know about, and you will probably have many inside jokes concerning it.
Take turns writing down 10 passionate activities inside each section of the Passion Wheel, 5 for you and 5 for your partner. Here are some hints: kissing, role-playing, g-spot exploration, erotic talk, sexual massage, oral sex, prostate massage, quickies, certain sex positions and intercourse. Every time, take turns choosing at least one activity from your Passion Wheel to keep your relationship passionate.